JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
