i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this beer tastes like vomit already
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
