yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize