And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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