Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
