so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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