Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
