you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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