This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
