i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
