I just pynch a tree in the face
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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