There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
