My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
