dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
