Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
handjob tips. give me some.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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