he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
