I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
