i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
did i walk over a car last night?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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