its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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