were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
