We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
