I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
