whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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