at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
