I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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