Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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