I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize