Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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