Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
