She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
