I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
