Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
