Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
where does the pee come out of this thing
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
