don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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