If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize