there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
