She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
