They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
