I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
