so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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