I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize