roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just tell him i said nine months
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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