Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
