I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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