if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
