Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
