She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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