dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
