He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
