yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
