when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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