Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
