I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
