she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
