Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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