I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize