im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize