I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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