I wanna bring you to show and tell
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
