He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
did i just pee glitter
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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